The last 2 weeks have not been the best in the maven household. Well, technically, things are great – I’ve made big strides in paying off debt (above and beyond meeting my goal for the year), I’ve continued to eat fairly well and bring food for lunches. I have done the gym, though I took 3 days off (in a row, which I vowed never to do), which is partially related to why I haven’t been posting.
It’s been a difficult 2 weeks. It seems that the world is crazy and I’m seeing it front and center with all my co-workers. I have had more email arguments sent my way and shouting matches at work that you could possibly imagine! I’ve been close to tears on multiple occasions and I for the first time since my employment started at this company over 4 years ago, got seriously anxious last Monday about going in to work. Could I call in sick and avoid going in kind of anxious. Why is this going on? Hell if I know.
It seems like everything I do is wrong (for the person on the other end), or rubs people the wrong way. Everyone has been very stressed and at the breaking point in their own lives, when yours truly somehow comes on the scene. Anyway, not going into details, but it’s been a nasty psychologically challenging 2 weeks. My boyfriend also got rearended in my truck when coming to pick me up from work last week, too, so he’s dealing with the physical and emotional stress of recovering from an accident (while still not being recovered from a big one 2 years ago). And I had to open my 3rd claim in 4 years (all 3 not our fault!!!!), which I hate doing. Add in the stress of his being unemployed for the last full year, and you can see it’s been dicey at home, too. We had a big fight due to his emotional sensitivity, and that didn’t help. Everything’s fine now, but emotions are running high all over the place, me, my partner, my relationships at work. I’ve been kindof a wreck lately.
I normally don’t feel like I need a vacation. Going to my local Barnes & Noble, grabbing a book, and reading for a few hours is usually all I need (maybe once every week or so). Lately that doesn’t seem like enough. I have been thinking of quitting, but in this economy? Forget it. It’s only a temporary feeling, so I have to just ride out the bumps for now.
So you see, it’s been a really challenging time for me. I haven’t felt like I had anything to post about on the blog. Haven’t fallen off the wagon, but I got the point where I dug my heals in, and could not make myself go workout. I didn’t look forward to it, I had sore muscles from some new wierd exercises I tried in a kickboxing class, and I flat out didn’t want to go. So I didn’t. And then last night I made myself go again and I’m fine now.
Anyway, I hope the 2 week nastiness is over. I should be grateful that my manager thought I would benefit from a management seminar on how to effectively communicate with people, so I at least get 2 days away from the office on Monday and Tuesday, though planning to be gone for such a long period of time from my regular job has created its own stress. I should mention my going stems from a previous period of wierd relations with a close coworker. I talked to my manager about it a month ago, was something going on? We found out she was just seriously grumpy and unhappy with everyone due to a lot of personal stress (planning her marriage, relations with her family over the wedding, and some significant health issues she’s been dealing with, including surgeries). I seriously thought she hated me. Turns out she hated everyone, not me specifically. I hate seminars, I hate being told I have issues (ie, I need to go learn how to fix my inadequacies), so having discussed this with my manager, who sits next to me, I regret now. I have to go to this seminar because of it. I know he means only the best by it, but I still resent it.
I’ve told you about it. It’s over with, and I’m ready to move on. So what’s next? Well, despite the nasty hard rain outside this weekend in Seattle, I am planning a trip to pick up some bike parts to get my all-purpose bike in good shape for riding…very soon! I also need to get new sneakers today, and I may actually spring for the inserts. I’m heavy, and pounding on sneakers may not be the best for my feet if they feel flat or uncushioned, or worn. I haven’t ever gotten the inserts before, but maybe spending an additional $40 will be worth it. What’s that phrase, your feet are your most important piece of equipment? I think I read that in a running manual.
I did go out for dinner this week at a wonderful asian fusion restaurant, so it wasn’t unhealthy (and my meal was tofu based, even better). I ran out off bread and didn’t want to deal with making food, so Friday I brought no lunch, and went out instead. Again, ate healthily with a rice vermicelli bowl (bun) with raw vegetables and seared prawns. I did get an appetizer which was amazing, imperial crispy rice with fried tofu, which I split. I left not full and almost hungry, so I know it wasn’t too bad. And my friend talked me out of going for a high-calorie Starbucks coffee drink afterwards.
Lately, when thinking about going out and eating “off plan” meaning “not at home”, I try and keep it healthy. I try and go for healthy asian food, or if I go somewhere American, I don’t eat large portions and save half for lunch. It’s been working pretty well. Over the course of a week I don’t gain weight, so I’m not terribly upset.
I’ve also noticed that when I make my ginormous dinner plate salad, which I eat several times a week, I have been becoming full more quickly than I used to. That means I have too much food. It’s a mental struggle to be hungry and preparing food and know I don’t need the full amount, but be unable to cut the size down since I’m afraid to put less on my plate – there’s no way that reducing my portion sizes will keep me satisfied! Then I eat and I prove myself wrong by being full 3/4 of the way into it. This has been one of my biggest struggles lately. I’ve also realized that I can eat less during the day, too.
2 weeks ago bought apples that were crappy from the market. By buying a bag of smaller apples of a variety I normally wouldn’t eat, and trying to keep the cost down, I got apples that were basically mealy and not crisp. So I couldn’t force myself to eat them and stopped bringing them to work. I have been making 2 carrots cut up into sticks. I still eat my cheddar and a few crackers and raw almonds, but I’ve noticed I don’t always finish the cheese. I leave some for later, but sometimes don’t eat it. I’ve even only partially eaten my sandwich and left some for later. That later means I don’t eat my luna bar in the afternoon and that’s cut out 150-250 calories a day. I’ve gotten hungry and been ok waiting for a while, up to an hour or two, with significant hunger, and been able to deal with it. My body is getting used to the food changes and I’m getting more mentally comfortable with all the changes.
I’ll have more constructive stuff to talk about soon. I just needed to pull back from the world the last 2 weeks. I think I’m over that now, and I’ll be less silent going forward.